Confidence

Today I want to share one of my favorite songs that I first heard about 4 weeks after Mark had his surgery. It came out in February 2018 but for whatever reason I didn’t hear it until October 2018. Probably because my choice of music at the time was country. The stations set in my car went between The Message (worship music) and The Highway (country music). I switched back and forth, so I am sure it came on and I just didn’t hear it.

I have always loved worship music and have some favorite singers and songs. My favorite singer is probably Lauren Daigle, and my favorite group is Mercy Me. But I love a variety of songs and singers. When Mark was in the hospital the radio station never came off Christian/worship music. I had some on my phone and it played non-stop. Mark loved it and it helped his mind stay calm and peaceful as it did mine. We both loved hymns. I love to be in a worship service where they sing both hymns and worship songs. The hymns have so much meaning and if you listen, they can speak right to your heart.

It Is Well With My Soul is my favorite hymn, always has been and always will be. It was sung at Mark’s celebration of life service by one of our dearest friends, Jeff Bumgardner. It has such significant meaning to me. Growing up my mama would sing it and I still can’t listen to her sing it and not cry. Yes, my mama is an amazing singer. I love listening to her. It was sung at the celebration of life service for Jeff and Jody’s daughter, Ella Kate. When I asked Jeff to sing it, he immediately said yes. I am sure it was not an easy song to sing for Mark’s service, but he said yes for me and our girls. My appreciation for him at that moment will never be forgotten.

Amazing Grace is another favorite. I sang it growing up and it has always been a special song. I don’t think there are many people, even those who may not be Christians, who don’t know this song. Chris Tomlin wrote a version that I love. If you get a chance you should look up the stories behind these two amazing hymns. When you read the stories behind the music it makes it more real. You realize that from deep grief, tragedy and sorrow, those songs, poems, and books are written to show grace, hope and peace. You read/hear the lyrics, read a poem, a chapter in Psalms or another book and know that we are not alone in our grief. When you can’t put words to paper, someone else did and it touches the heart. 

Now to my favorite song…Confidence by Sanctus Real

 I'm not a warrior, I'm too afraid to lose
I feel unqualified for what you're callin' me to
But Lord with your strength, I've got no excuse
'Cause broken people are exactly who you use

So give me faith like Daniel in the lion's den
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence 

You took a shepherd boy and made him a King
So I'm gonna trust you and give you everything
I'll be a conqueror 'cause you fight for me
I'll be a champion claiming your victory

 So give me faith like Daniel in the lion's den
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence 

I'm gonna sing and shout and shake the walls
I won't stop until I see 'em fall
Gonna stand up, step out when you call
Jesus, Jesus
I'm gonna sing and shout and shake the walls
I won't stop until I see 'em fall
Gonna stand up, step out when you call
Jesus

Give me faith like Daniel in the lion's den
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence, yeah

Give me faith like Daniel in the lion's den
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence; I'll face my giants with confidence

When I heard this song, I was driving Mark home from another hospital visit. It was early on in his treatments. I only heard the chorus at the time, but it made me want to go look it up. Once I read the lyrics I was just blown away. In that moment I needed Daniel’s faith, Moses’s hope and David’s heart because it was going to take Confidence to face the giant, that for me, was my husband’s brain tumor and the fight we were in for in the following weeks, months and hopefully years ahead. I still sing it loudly in the car when it comes on, but only if I am alone. No one but Jesus wants to hear me sing! I do not have my mama’s voice but singing to the Lord is worship for me. As I started writing this tonight, I was able to listen to it and not break down. I know that for those 2 ½ years God gave me Confidence to face those giants with Mark and for myself and our family. I am so thankful for a God who knows what I need and provides it. My hope and prayer is that whatever giants I will face, I have the confidence to face them with Daniel’s faith, Moses’s hope and David’s heart. That is my prayer for you!

There were many more songs that had very special meaning to me in those years during Mark’s illness and some that have meaning from childhood. In the upcoming weeks and months, I will share more with you and what they mean to me. For now, I will share some of my songs from the worship list that is on my phone. It is not my whole list but some that mean a lot to me. Some were shared by dear friends and family during Mark’s illness, and some were shared after he passed.

Trust In You by Lauren Daigle

Alive and Breathing by Matt Maher

Scars by I AM THEY

This Is A Move by Tasha Cobb Leonard

More To Come by Passion

So Will I by Hillsong

Scars in Heaven by Casting Crowns

Rattle by Elevation Worship

Truth I’m Standing On by Leanna Crawford

Cast Your Cares by Guvna B

The Sun is Rising by Britt Nicole

Even If and Worn by Mercy Me

Fight On, Fighter and Burn the Ships by for King & Country

When We Fall Apart by Ryan Stevenson

No Longer Slaves by Bethel Music

The God Who Stays by Matthew West

 I have so many more, but I need to stop for now. For the last 8 years I have listened with different ears and a hearing heart to really understand the words. I look up the story behind the songs I like, and man do some of them pierce the heart. If you find a song that means a lot to you, go look up the story behind it. It may make a difference in how you are hearing it. Even if it means something different to you, that is ok. You hold on to what it means to you but at least you will know the story behind it and it may make you appreciate it more. I would love to know your favorite songs and what they mean to you.

Confident in His love

Isaiah 54:10