God is our comforter
Ps. 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
What is it like to know that the Lord is always there to bring us peace, solace and strength in times of trouble and distress? To know that you are never alone, really? To know that He offers comfort in all the times of need? For me, that is so well, comforting! I know that no matter what I am facing, in times of distress, anxiety, uncertainty, that the God of all comforts is there for me. I know it isn’t the same as someone being there physically and that can be hard. I have had to get used to Mark not being here physically. I don’t have him to offer me hugs and hold my hand or to just be there during hard times. I had breast cancer and surgery in 2022 and went through radiation. I wanted him to be there for me like I was for him. Yes, I did question that and had a few moments of anxiety because of it. I don’t understand why but I had to let it go and realize it was ok. I would be ok because I had the true Comforter. How do I do that? I have inner peace only God can give. That helps get me through those moments of wanting and needing him here with me.
I also realize that it is ok to want someone to be there for me to just listen, hold my hand, give me a hug, and sometimes just hang out. I am very blessed to have that. My parents have been a constant source of comfort for me. I call them often about a variety of things. They listen, encourage me, listen to me cry and at times cry with me, and are just present. My daughters have done the same. My best friend Jody came down that first week on radiation and that helped more than she knows. When I need the hugs, I cuddle my grandkids! That makes my heart so happy! My Allie girl asks me often to just sit and cuddle! Sometimes you want that physical presence but when you can’t have that, the BEST thing is knowing that HE comforts us. It can be hard to understand until you really need it.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Here are some ways you can show comfort and support to others:
· Listen to them…now that you are in this new journey you have a uniqueness about you. You understand grief. You may have lost parents, siblings, friends and possibly a child and now a spouse. Now, if someone you know loses a spouse you can listen to them with a better understanding of what they are going through. Sometimes we tend to want to talk and share our experiences, but we don’t always need to do that. There may be a time to do that but in the beginning of someone’s loss is usually not the time. Think about what you needed then and still at times now need and do that.
· Be encouraging to them. Especially with the women who you may encounter. Encourage them to know that they can do this. It may be the hardest thing because now they are having to do so much more than they ever did, or at least I have had to. When the time is right, share some of the new experiences you have encountered since your spouse has passed. Here are a couple of mine!
Shortly after moving to Mansfield, my daughter, Meagan, and I encountered a dilemma that we so wished Mark was there for. We had a dead possum in our yard. What the heck? I do NOT like dead animals especially ones I now have to dispose of myself. I called the local animal shelter and asked if they came and took care of these type of things, and they said no. The guy on the phone actually asked me if the possum was playing possum. I really wanted to go through the phone and hurt him. I know that isn’t nice, but I don’t think he would have asked a guy that question. Anyway, Meg and I geared up to take care of the possum. What should have taken like 2-3 minutes took about 10 because we kept squealing like, well you guessed it, little girls. It was so disgusting, and we DID NOT LIKE IT! But we did it. And guess what? For the next week, there were 3 more! So, each time we got better at getting it done. I have replaced toilet valves, put up hooks in my garage and rearranged my garage. I have seen snakes in my front flower bed and not died! Have I already said I don’t like snakes? Well, I don’t. I have put myself on a schedule to make sure the air filters in the house get changed. I now make sure all the bills are paid. I have to get the oil changed in my car and the tires rotated. I have to parent alone! WHAT? Yes, they are grown children with husbands and children of their own. But, once a mama always a mama! I have done so many things that Mark always did himself or at least helped with.
Why do I say all this? To let you know that YOU CAN do the hard things. Are all those things I listed hard? Maybe not, but I also know they are not always easy, especially if you now are having to do them yourself.
· Provide them some practical help. Let them know how you did things and tell them it is ok to ask for help. Provide resources for this if you have them. If not, find them together. If you have been to a Griefshare group, encourage them to go to one or go with them. If you haven’t been to one, find one and go. It is a great group, and it connects you with others who are grieving.
I love the Message Version of 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.
Most of us have someone we can offer comfort to today. What can you do today for them? Maybe ask them to coffee, take them to lunch, offer to help with something around the house or take them to the store. Better yet, just ask if you can come visit and encourage them! You don’t know if you don’t ask. If you don’t have someone, ask the Lord to show you someone and He will.
Confident in His love,
Isaiah 54:10
