Feel guilty no more

When you lose a spouse there are so many emotions you face. You will be grieved and you may  be faced with a myriad of other emotions that come and go. You may face sadness because they are gone, unforgiveness because of how they died, or bitterness because they are gone. You may also be mad because someone else who was sick is no longer sick and still alive. You may face joy because they are no longer in pain. You may also face guilt because you are still here or even question why you are still here, and they are not. I have faced several of these emotions, but I have not let myself sit in those emotions too long, except joy. No, I am not perfect, but I know that if I were to allow myself to sit in an emotion too long that isn’t good for me, then I would be miserable. And not only would I be miserable but so will those around me.

I started looking for verses in the Bible relating to this topic and while there aren’t any specific to survivor’s guilt I did come across a few things.

First, the Bible does mention guilt but not in the concept of survivor’s guilt. In the Old Testament, guilt is often associated with sin and consequences for wrongdoing. The concept of guilt is frequently mentioned in relation to the need for repentance, forgiveness, and redemption. In the New Testament, guilt is addressed in the context of the need for confession of sins and the belief in the forgiveness offered through Jesus Christ. Overall, the Bible emphasizes the importance of acknowledging guilt, seeking forgiveness, and turning away from sinful behavior. This isn’t the kind of guilt you would feel towards losing a spouse.

Second, the Bible doesn't specifically mention "survivor's guilt" as a psychological term, but there are passages that relate to feelings of guilt or unworthiness after surviving a traumatic event.

One example is found in Romans 8:1-2, which says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." This verse can be a source of comfort for those struggling with guilt or shame after surviving a traumatic event.

Another passage I like is Psalm 34:18, which says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” This verse is comforting and reassuring, reminding believers that God is always near to those who are going through difficult times, especially when they are feeling downhearted or overwhelmed. It is a reminder of God's love, compassion, and faithfulness towards his people in their times of distress.

Here are a few ways to help with feelings of survivor’s guilt. I believe it can be applied to other guilty feelings so just put your “guilty” feeling in place of survivor’s guilt.

*      Recognize that feeling guilty, for some, may be part of a grieving process. It's important to allow yourself to feel all your emotions, including guilt, without judgment.

*      Remember that it is not your fault that your spouse passed away. Guilt is a common reaction to loss, but it is important to remind yourself that you didn't cause the loss and that it is not your responsibility.

*     Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate your feelings of guilt and grief. Talking about your emotions with someone who understands can help you process them in a healthy way.

*      Practice self-care and self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve in your own time and in your own way. Take care of your physical and emotional needs during this difficult time.

*      Remember that it is okay to move forward and find joy again after the loss of your spouse. Your spouse would want you to live a fulfilling life, and allowing yourself to experience happiness does not diminish the love you had for them.

*     Find ways to honor and remember your spouse in your daily life. This can help you feel connected to them and celebrate the time you had together, without feeling guilty for moving on.

*      When you deal with your guilt, if you have any, try to not allow yourself to stay in that emotion too long. Any emotion that keeps us down, sad, mad, bitter, depressed is not good. We need to get help and move forward.

Confident In His love,

Isaiah 54:10