words spoken

I saw a saying somewhere a couple of weeks ago. It said “May you never be the reason why someone who loved to sing, doesn’t anymore. Or why someone who is dressed so uniquely, now wears plain clothing. Or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams, is now silent about them. May you never be the reason someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were demotivating, non-appreciative, hypercritical, or even worse…sarcastic about it.”

I was really convicted when I read this because I am sure I have done that. I know I have. I would venture to say that most people have done this and not always on purpose. As we talk to our spouse, our kids, our friends, family members I know we sometimes say things that as soon as they are said, you regret the words spoken. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to get this.

My guess is I just want to make sure my opinion and thoughts are known. Because after all, I know better than them. At least that what my mind tells me. How crazy is that? I know I don’t know everything and better yet, I am glad I don’t. That means I am still learning. I want to still be learning.

So, am I learning anything right now? I am glad you asked. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I am learning that my grown, adult daughters don’t always want or need my opinion. I have a definite way about me that wants my point to get across or my thoughts and opinions known, and I am not good at sitting silent. I feel like when I sit silent, they are going to miss out on my wonderful words of wisdom! Are you laughing yet? I am! I am laughing while I am typing this because I know how incredibly self-serving or snobbish that sounds. I say all that joking of course because I already know I am wrong when I do this so that is why I am trying to change. I have really been convicted of this the last couple of weeks and I am making an effort to change and asking God for continued patience with me as I am learning.

I know as we get older and have lived through some heartache and struggles, that we do know more than some. I also know I do have wisdom to impart to my daughters but just like I am with my mama, I want it when I ask. At 57 I still want and need my mama’s words of wisdom.  At times I also need some “hard-hitting, get-in-your-face tough love;” not as much as I used to thankfully. Mark used to tell me, “Sweetheart, it’s not what you say but how you say it.” I know that is true.

There is a right way and a wrong way to talk to our loved ones, our friends and even everyday strangers. I don’t want to be un-Christlike in my words spoken. We should always speak the truth but in love. We should give advice and counsel when asked and make sure it isn’t just our advice but use scripture/Word of God to back it up. We should understand what it says in Proverbs 15:1 that a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. To me that means that a wise word that you speak at the right time is a beautiful thing.

I know that we raised incredibly smart girls that treat me with respect and love. Girls that honor me and honor the Lord. Girls that are doing a great job as wives and moms. Do they know it all? No. Do they get it all right? No and neither did I! Do they still need help now and then? Yes. I know I do. Do they ask me when they need advice? I hope so. I try to ask for advice and counsel when I need it. What I am grateful for is that they are learning just like me. One thing that I really miss with Mark gone is not having his wisdom and patience with the girls. After all they are still my daughters, but I have to remember that they are grown and have families of their own. They are learning just like Mark and I did when we first got married and were raising children. And with Meagan I must remember that she is grown too and whether she has a family or not she is doing a great job in life.

 How do you speak to your spouse? Children? Friends? Strangers? I am learning at my age that it isn’t about me but about the One who saved me, covers me with His grace, loves and forgives me and is patient with me. I want to display those attributes when I talk to anyone but especially my daughters and my family. I want words to come out of my mouth that are uplifting, encouraging, patient, kind, caring, loving and especially words that speak life into them. I think most of us could use that today!

 Confident in His love,

Isaiah 54:10