doing a hard thing…or so i thought
Sitting in my garage, that yes, I am still working on cleaning out (it’s never-ending), I finally started going through two large totes of pictures, cards, letters, and what nots. Last week I got out the two totes and sat for over an hour each time and looked through almost 37 plus years of pictures. Longer than that because I found pictures from my childhood. That took me back a bit. My goal was to keep the ones that I want so I can scan them into my computer and have them protected and toss duplicates and those that had no people in them. Because if I don’t have a face to look at then I am probably not going to go back and look at it…maybe that is just me. I did keep a couple but not a lot.
I really was not looking forward to going through them. There are so many memories of my life with Mark and the girls, so I just put it off. After all, I have pictures on my phone and around my home. But you know what I found as I started going through the box? I found out it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. As I was going through the pictures, I would remember the times they were taken. I remembered the anniversary or birthday trip; the favorite pictures taken at parks or the beach of the five of us; the ones where the girls are acting like the fools they were growing up; the ones when we went to visit family in Colorado or Texas; the sport pictures where the girls played Upward Soccer, were on the swim and golf team; vacations as the OG 8 (my parents, brothers and their wives, Mark and me). There were countless pictures of the girls and their daddy and as well as so many of Mark and me. I found myself remembering all the good times so as sad as I could have been, I was happy. I was happy that I had the memories that I could go through. I laughed a lot because there are some great memories. I shared some with the girls. My grandchildren sure do look like their parents. Malory sat with me yesterday and even found one where Daniel (Marissa’s son) looks like his Aunt Meagan. Crazy because he looks so much like his daddy’s side of the family. I am so glad I did this because it was something I had put off. It was another of those hard things, or so I thought. Now, that doesn’t mean as I scan those pictures into my computer and start labeling them that some tears won’t flow. That is ok. After all, it is my past with Mark and the girls, and it is something that will never go away.
It made me think that there are things in life we put off because we think they are going to be hard to do. And there will be some things that are hard to do. That doesn’t mean they don’t need to be done. Life this side of heaven isn’t promised to be without difficulty, pain, grief, hard times and doing the hard things. But as much as we have all that, we also have joy, happiness, good times, and memories for all of them. What I do want to do is make sure that no matter what I do in this life, it is for the Lord and His glory. I don’t always do that, but I am working on it. I do work at keeping the Lord at the center of all I do but as all of us can do, that doesn’t always happen.
For me I have already done some of the hard things without Mark but I have made it through them. I have gone on vacation without him, visited family, had holidays, watched college football (both of our teams), and traveled. I just joined my church and let me tell you that was hard. I sat in the room before church and almost got up to leave. To be honest, I don’t even think I prayed while I was in that moment. I texted my daughter, Marissa, and she was so sweet in her response. I just knew it was something that I needed to do. I love the church and since I am leading a group and attending small group, I needed to join. I am sure there will be more hard things but the more I do and allow the peace only God can give; I get through them. I try and keep a positive attitude and know that even in doing the hard things good can come and I can keep my joy. I say to myself I can’t change the past and what happened wasn’t wanted, easy or fun but I can keep my joy and know that Romans 8:28 says: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.
I got a text from friend on Saturday, and she was asking for prayer. The organization she was a part of with her husband she is still a part of since he passed 3 years ago. She was speaking on stage for the first time since he passed, and she was nervous. They had built this together and she continued after he was gone. She wanted to use her story and glorify the Lord in the process; to have peace and ask the Lord to speak through her. It was also her husband’s birthday. I immediately started praying and texted her later in the day. She said it went so well. I know there are those who can relate because I sure can. That was my joining the church without Mark moment.
Do the hard things and ask God to give you the peace only He can give. Have someone help you do the hard things, if it is something that can be helped with. Sometimes it is just having someone sit and talk to you while you do them. Regardless of what it is, I know the Lord will be with you, especially if you ask. You may find out as you are doing them that they weren’t as hard as you thought. And there may be some that are still too difficult to do…that is OK. I believe one day you will be able to do them. Matthew 19:26 says: But Jesus looked and them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” BUT WITH GOD!
Confident in His love
Isaiah 54:10
